I hate PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals).

From their website: "PETA operates under the simple principle that animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment." Do you like hamburgers? If PETA gets their way, you won't be able to eat them anymore. Like all the cute doggies at the Westminster Dog Show? You won't see them for much longer if PETA succeeds. Do you like being vaccinated so that you don't get sick and die? Oops! That might require research on animals, sorry, PETA prefers you die. The worst part of all this is that I'm not exaggerating.

I'm not saying animal cruelty is OK. In fact, maybe it wasn't right for me to jab Mark's hamster with a fork, repeatedly. According to PETA, such (hilarious) acts of cruelty "are not mere indications of a minor personality flaw in the abuser; they are symptomatic of a deep mental disturbance. Research in psychology and criminology shows that people who commit acts of cruelty to animals don’t stop there—many of them move on to their fellow humans." In fact, PETA's website goes on to literally say that because I harassed that hamster there's now an increased chance that I'll become a serial killer. Got that, everyone? You better not piss me off, or the next animal to get a fork in it's back could be you!

Ok, so maybe you're laughing now and thinking how messed up I am for torturing that poor hamster. But wait just a second, you're not so innocent yourself. As PETA says on the same page, "Don’t ignore even minor acts of cruelty to animals." And what falls under PETA's definition of animal cruelty? Drinking milk, of course! In fact, that's what they're teaching America's kids. In lessons they've prepared (and given out to schools nationwide) they retardedly blame school shootings like Columbine on biology class dissections, and list regular activites such as going to the zoo/aquarium, owning a pet, or eating a hamburger as acts of animal cruelty. In PETA's eyes you're just as guilty as I am - maybe we can have fun serial killing together.

Maybe you think furcoats are wrong and maybe you think we should all be vegetarian. Fine, that's up to you. But I draw the line when it comes to vital life-saving biomedical research. Here's a blurb from a consumer advocacy website...

PETA’s senior Vice-President, Mary Beth Sweetland should also answer for her own personal hypocrisy. Like more than ten million Americans, she’s diabetic. Sweetland injects herself daily with insulin that was tested on animals; she has conceded that her medicine “still contains some animal products -- and I have no qualms about it…. I don’t see myself as a hypocrite. I need my life to fight for the rights of animals.”

So on the one hand PETA is trying to put a stop to animal research saying it's useless and wrong, and yet they're also using the fruit of that research to keep their own worthless selves alive. Yea, that makes sense. Let's be honest people, which would you rather died - you or a chimpanzee? If you chose the first one then go join PETA, if you chose the second one then you're still sane.

"Even if animal tests produced a cure for AIDS, we’d be against it."
     - PETA President Ingrid Newkirk, September 1989, Vogue Magazine

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I wanted to make an illustration to show you how vital, normal and natural it is to eat hamburger meat. In fact, as The Cow Cycle illustrates, if we were to stop eating meat the circle would break down and there would be a dangerously low amount of human poo available, therefore grass would go unfertilized, meaning less grass would be available for grazing and all cows would go extinct. We just can't allow that, people. The only humane thing to do is to continue eating them.

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It seems America isn't the only crazy country. When France pissed us off we renamed French Fries to Freedom Fries (leading to the inevitable 'Freedom Kiss'). Now that Iran has been pissed off by Denmark, they've renamed the yummy pastries known as 'Danishes' to 'Roses of the Prophet Muhammad'. I'm not making that up.

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Japan's team for the World Baseball Classic will NOT have... Hideki Matsui, Tadahito Iguchi, Kenji Johjima, Kazuo Matsui, Hideo Nomo, Shingo Takatsu, Kazuhisa Ishii, Shigetoshi Hasegawa, Tomo Ohka  and Kazuhiro Sasaki (among others). Other than Ichiro, there's no real current or former MLB Japanese players on the roster.

So if Ichiro is the only name player on the squad (except for the manager, the great Sadaharu Oh) what reason is there to watch Japan play? A great one! The man's name is Daisuke Matsuzaka. What's special about him? One word: gyroball. It's a brand new pitch and nobody in the majors throws it.

Will Carroll describes the pitch as follows: "the ball comes at the hitter looking like a hanging curve and then takes a hard, flat turn away from a right-handed batter.

Whether you believe in DIPS or not, the effect is the same. First, the batter has a difficult time deciding whether or not to swing. He will have a hard time detecting not only the spin and plane, but since the ball is delivered with a fastball motion, the speed as well. Not only is there no mechanical clue (ideally, of course), but the ball comes in faster than a slider. Assuming the batter does make contact, it is difficult to hit the ball on the sweet spot. Contact usually leads to a weak hit to the opposite field."

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Interesting article on some of the potential pros and cons for the Republicans if Vice President Cheney was to resign from office...

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In honor of this entry's earlier comments, I present animal/food themed jokes.

I stole this one from a stranger...

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

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I stole these from the great Chuck Norris Fact Generator....

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the grizzly bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Many of you, I'm sure, watched the State of the Union address the other night. There were some bizarre moments - such as when Bush asked Congress to outlaw "Human-Animal hybrids". Yes, that's right, forget Iraq, Health Care, Afghanistan, Iran, North Korea, the deficit, Katrina, Jack Abramoff and al Qaeda, the real danger facing America is human-animal hybrids. I for one would like to applaud our President for so boldly facing off against this imaginary threat. Kudos to him.

Yet, even the president is in favor of some hybrids... So, in case you're confused as to which hybrids are good and which are bad, I have yet again taken it upon myself to provide you, my public, with an identification chart...

Wasn't that informative? Thank you President Bush, for having the cajones to tell Bat-Boy and Werewolves that there's no place for them in our society. I must, however, point out that the President has been dangerously silent on the threat posed to our society by Human-Vegetable hybrids....

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So, I have to admit, that hybrid comment made for a strange State of the Union speech, but nothing had prepared me for what came next. Many of you may have changed channels and missed this, but President Bush actually gave part of his speech while in costume! Holy Tax Cut, BatBush!

Yes, I was shocked too when I saw Bush like that. But then I saw how Senator Clinton dressed for the event, and things started to make more sense....

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Ok, I know my photoshopping made for some odd pictures there, but sometimes reality can be scarier than fiction....

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=1778&e=1&u=/060201/ids_photos_ts/r469963390.jpg

***Vote Reid in 2016!***

For Diana, since someone noticed I dropped off the face of the Xanga-planet, I post again...

Starting off is a little something I whipped up a few weeks back... creepy resemblance, no?

If you think those two look freakishly similar, you should see my side-by-side w/ Brad Pitt... it's like we were seperated at birth...

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I've been watching tons of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law lately, as well as Boondocks - love that Adult Swim!

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Words fail me....

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/369963p-314735c.html

... but "Go shorty, its your Bat Mitzvah" seems to cover things nicely...

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Will post more shortly, but off to go cook up some soup. I'm actually too full to eat right now but since the soup takes 3+ hours to make I figure I might be hungry again by 2AM. Viva la Bum. Laterz.

PS - Go Gaza Strippers! You're on the bubble but there's still a chance for that 4th playoff spot!

As many of you know I take this xanga seriously as a public service, I proved that point by providing a Sam Cassell photo recognition guide in my second posting ever. Well, for those of you who missed it the first time, I repost it now, along with some bonus recognition charts.

And for those among you who prefer their men with more hair...


Wasn't that educational?

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But my work is not yet done, for I have yet to warn you of a great menace. Thanks to the folks at this fine website, my eyes are now opened. They have 26 pages of real Superman comic book covers all of which can lead you to only one conclusion - Superman is a dick.

That not enough for you? How about these, with the webmaster's own comments put below them...

List of more pratical uses Superboy can make of a machine that can see through time:

1. Betting on the outcomes of sporting events.
2. Forseeing natural diasters and catastrophhe.
3. Letting Bruce Wayne know that his parents are going to be gunned down in front of his very eyes in a filthy alley, you dick.

If only Superman had some sort of... oh, I don't know... maybe a machine that sees through time, this could have been averted.

Oops!

Superman. Dick. The End.

That picture says it all. An Iraqi woman literally marked for the whole world to see as a voter in a free election. People were lined up for hours to vote, despite the threats of violence (and about 30 people were killed, don't forget that) - and to top it off, Iraq likely had a higher voter turnout than America (but don't get me started on that).

We shouldn't get too excited, afterall it was just one day and there's alot more that needs to be done; but it was a good day and how many of those has Iraq had recently? ******************************************************

More amazing, but possibly overlooked, is that Iraqi ex-patriots weren't just voting in America - but Syria as well! Yes, that's right, there were free elections in Damascus, Syria. Syrians might not be able to choose their own leaders, but right in front of their eyes they watched Iraqis voting for theirs - and that's a fact that won't be lost on them.

Why is Syria doing it? My guess is Bashar Assad either believes the Syrian Iraqis would be more likely to vote for candidates more amenable to Syria OR, more likely, to create stability. As much as Syria may dislike the American presence in Iraq, they likely hate instability more. Just like China and the North Koreans, or America and Haiti, nobody wants refugees flooding into their country - same with Syria. Iraqi refugees are an unwanted burden, and this election was likely a calculated risk where Assad and his Baathist Party (yes, Baathist, like Hussein's) figured that the stability an election could bring outweighed the boost it would give to a Syrian Democratic movement. ***************************************************

But the most amazing news of late is happening in Israel/Palestine. When Arafat died I thought real progress could finally be made towards peace. Arafat was too potent a symbol of nationalism; too entrenched in his own positions. But more importantly because seperation is in the best interests of both nations - yes, Israel actually wants to be rid of the territories, and not for security reasons but for demographic ones. The Palestinian birth rate is higher than the Israeli one, and within a few decades Palestinians could easily make up the majority of the electorate. But that raises some thorny questions - Israel is a democracy, but a Jewish democracy. So what happens to a Jewish Democracy when most of its voters are Arab? It's in Israel's best interests not to find out.

When Mahmoud Abbas was campaigning and there was that famous footage of him being cheered and put on the shoulders of Hamas members there was a big stir in the US media. But, I believed then and believe now, that was just good politics not an ominous portent. Besides, if anyone's going to rein in Hamas, then it'd help to have good connections with them.

So has anyone seen what's been happening since Abbas took office? I've been in awe! Israel will be withdrawing from four West Banks cities and evacuating 25 settlements! Thousands of Palestianian security forces began seriously patrolling the Israeli border! Abbas has reached provisional agreements with terrorist groups for a cease-fire! The Israelis have agreed to stop targetted killings and are negotiating prisoner releases! And to top it off, Sharon and Abbas will likely meet face-to-face within a few weeks to discuss peace! Ok, so maybe I'm getting too excited, but the rapidity of progress is impressive. We may finally see peace.

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Ok, I realize this is political in nature, but it pissed me off all the same... How can Sen. Kennedy honestly want a deadline to withdraw now? Once the troops are out they cannot be sent back in, so we better be damn sure they're not needed once we pull them out. I could make a huge historical argument here, citing Korea, Japan, Vietnam and the like - but I'll just say this, the American presence is a huge power base for certain local Iraqi groups. Until those groups are firmly entrenched, it's bad politics to disengage. Now, if American forces could be supplanted by UN or NATO troops, that's different. And I'm not against force reduction, especially from Kurdish and Shia regions - but the results of the election aren't even known yet, so discussion of withdrawal is premature. Once the government is in place and established then I fully expect a joint announcement of American disengagement, and believe it may serve to take the wind out of the insurgent's sails, but until that time, it's a foolish idea meant to pander to the US public.

If Mr. Kennedy wants an issue worth bitching about, then I'd suggest he follow Sen. Biden's lead and question the low number of combat trained Iraqi troops (only 4,000).

**EDIT: I just watched Fareed Zakaria argue on the Daily Show the insanity of the current calls for withdrawal. I knew I liked that guy for a reason - he agrees with me! Wow, Fareed Zakaria, my favorite columnist, on the Daily Show, one of my favorite TV shows, the only thing better would be Paul O'Neill bringing me a glass of chocolate soy milk....

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On a personal note, I bought three cookbooks today! Yea, I'm pretty shocked too, but I couldn't resist! And more impressively, I'm cooking, and not just chicken.  Over the break I made everything from Veal Stew to my own New England Clam Chowder (no cans for me!). So far this term it's been a Jia-Jen flavored stir-fry and Chicken Korma, in addition to the normal stuff like steak. I'm not exactly an Iron Chef over here, but I'm trying - and I have to admit, it's a yummy process.

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Why do Weezer's Blue Album and Pinkerton kick so much ass, and yet Maladroit and Green Album suck so bad? It's like a Michael Jackson career curve, will Weezer soon be found fondling young children? Only time will tell...

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For those who liked the first one, here's another killer kitty.

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I'm going to miss undergrad ...